Are You Prepared To Let Go And Fully Live Again?

Posted by Relationship Expert on February 1, 2010

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Many of us oftentimes feel anger and emotional hurt because of injury we suffer or just the experiences that we have to go through. These life experiences may include sickness, death of a loved one, seperation, or any number of different events that might eventually evolve into learning experiences if we could simply process the events and see our way through them. The least likely thing that is likely to be on our minds is healing and forgiving or asking for forgiveness for our participation in the result of the situation. That is ok. Similar to a literal wound, an emotional wound will not heal instantly. It will require time, and if the injury is strong enough, professional help.

Of Course, our first responses when we are suffering include lashing out at others, focusing attention on our wounds, and nursing hostility towards the person that we perceived as having wronged us. At some point though, we reach a point when healing must take place if we are to move on with our lives. We must transition from a place of being unhealthy to a place of being healthy once again. For injuries that include others, that healing cannot fully come about until we frankly and openly forgive them. If we fail to forgive, that injury might leave a terrible emotional scar, if it even heals at all.

Though forgiveness is a requirement for total healing, it is not always essential to face the person that wronged you. Sometimes it is not even desirable to interact with that individual as that might in reality cause additional hurt. A possible example might be a violent criminal and their victims. Also, if you need to ask someone’s forgiveness, it may not be in that person’s best interest for you to interact with them as confronting them might in reality inflict them harm. In these situations, a neutral party such as a counselor or therapist should be included to properly guide the interactions and communications so that healing instead of destruction can take place. For less extreme situations though, if doable and as long as it does not damage the other party, grant forgiveness and ask for it personally.

When you do grant forgiveness to an individual, be aware that you may have to do it once again. We are only imperfect after all and those emotional injuries may still be irritated and raw to the point that we discover ourselves entertaining resentment again and again. That is normal. While some may argue that you never genuinely forgave the other person, my experiences have taught me that oftentimes forgiveness must be granted time and time again. While the initial work of forgiveness toward another may loose them, we may have to forgive them again and again before we finally release the hurt from ourselves. We may be required to act on the decision to forgive before the feelings of forgiveness flow. Irrespective of how long it requires though, what is important is that we keep forgiving.

People who resist forgiving often tend to become bitter, and they take that bitterness out on those around them. They project what they have gone through onto other situations and the activities of other people. This is neither healthy nor fair to the uninvolved individual. It may likewise turn out to be damaging to significant kinships and cause an individual to grow isolated. Look At the victim of rape who, because of what she has gone through, begins to think that all men act that way. Those experiences she has gone through allow her to project onto others the behavior that she endured. Because rape is such a severe injury, she would not only need to forgive her attacker, she would also require counseling and therapy to help her overcome the pain. The point is though, that before that wound can completely heal, she will need to forgive.

We all experience trauma in our lives. It is impossible to have a life in which there is interaction with others and not be emotionally bumped, wounded, and broken. Even with our most sincere intentions, we may injure others and not even realize it. After we are wounded though, as part of the recovery process, it is imperative to forgive the person who damaged us so that we can fully live again.

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