Don’t Ruin Your Relationship By Accusing Your Guy Or Girl Of Infidelity

Posted by Relationship Expert on September 24, 2009

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Anyone who has ever been in a relationship has had that feeling. You know, the one where you think something is going on with your significant other? You can’t really put your finger on it, but you just feel it in your gut. Then it hits you. You think they are cheating on you.

It’s natural to have these kinds of thoughts. Every person, no matter how confident they appear on the outside, has some level of insecurity. And every person has had thoughts, even if they are fleeting, about what would happen if their guy or girl was cheating on them. It all boils down to this: we don’t want to lose something good.

So what do we do about these feelings? Our first instinct is to act on them; to confront the person we are with and demand that they explain themselves and force the crazy thoughts out of our heads. As is usually the case, it is dangerous to go with your initial instincts when you are upset. The fact of the matter is this: if you continually accuse your significant other of cheating, you make it that much easier for them to do it, even if they were innocent to begin with.

What do I mean by that? Well take a look at the following scenario:

“Gary comes home one night with a woman’s business card in his pocket. His girlfriend, Tina, finds it when she is washing his jeans and confronts him about it. Gary tells her not to worry. He tells her that the woman was an old coworker of his that wanted him to email a resume to her so that she can get him a job with her current employer. Tina tells him that she understands. But she can’t get to sleep that night and asks him about it again. He tells her the same story but this time he is frustrated that she didn’t believe him. A few days go buy and Gary just happens to leave his email up on his laptop. Tina sees an email from the woman and blows up. Gary tries to reassure her that it’s simply a response from her regarding his resume. Tina cannot stop thinking about the email and continues to question Gary for the next few weeks. She is now positive that he is cheating on her, even though he really isn’t.”

You can see where I’m going with this. Gary is innocent of any wrongdoing but Tina is treating him as if he is having an affair with this woman. Eventually it will get to the point where Gary, so frustrated with getting treated like a cheater, begins to lash out. He feels like he is in a no-win situation and begins to actually feel like he would be better off if he actually DID cheat on Tina. Of course, we know this is an absurd thought but in his frustration, Gary is far from thinking rationally.

So what should Tina have done differently? For starters, she should have given him the benefit of the doubt. If he has never shown any signs of being unfaithful before, she should have faith that he will continue to do so. Next, she should have given Gary an opportunity to explain the email. He could have sat her down and let her read it so that she could see that it was what he said it was: a simple question about his resume.

Tina’s main problem was that she let her jealousy get the best of her. If she would have taken some time to calm down and examine the situation, it would have never gotten out of hand. But instead, she made accusations and false claims and pushed Gary towards the other woman; the exact opposite of what she wanted to do. So what is my advice: before you accuse your significant other of cheating on you, make sure you are in a calm state and be absolutely sure that you have valid proof. Otherwise, you could be pushing your guy or girl into the arms of another.

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